About a week or so ago one of my twitter peoples @carolynedgar posted a link to a piece she did on her blog which you can find here. The piece in question was about friendships. She goes on to reflect upon two friendships in particular.“…my two closest friendships, both spanning nearly 20 years, ended within months of each other. And I still haven’t quite gotten over it.”
She goes on speaks of how and why they have changed from what they once was to what it is now. She gives her take on the reasoning of why, and how it has affected her as well as them.
While I could discuss the differences between males and females in terms of friendship, I think that would be a disservice to her post, which is her personal reflections. Rather, I will write my thoughts and experiences as far as friendships.
At thirty-fours years young, I believe I’ve come to have a decent view of those in my immediate surroundings. As for true friends, I think if I lost a few digits, I’d still be able to count them on that same hand. I can say, I do have several people that I’ve known for twenty plus years, who I consider to be friends of sorts, but true blue friends, I’m not sure.
My personal take on friends, is they’re like, life! Constantly changing, and if life changes, why not friends. So for me, I don’t see twenty year long friendship as a reality in ones early years. I think it’s just almost impossible, for the same reason getting married at nineteen is, in this day and age.
My reasoning is that, for any relationship whether friendship or marriage to work one has to know one’s self. Just imagine the difference of opinions one goes through between the four years of high school, or college. How bout after studying abroad, or something as simple as moving to another neighborhood. These are all life-changing, life-learning experiences which change us, and how often do we take the journey with the same person, and would two people grow in the same manner? Don’t take this as me saying that friendships are worthless I just see them as over rated. Sort of like some of the people on craigslist trying to charge you more than what they paid for and item, because they took good care of it and it’s special to them.
Some say, I’m not an emotional person, and see friends as disposables. That is far from the truth. Its just that people tend to hold on to things for our own personal, selfish reasons, just look around. People keep friends because there safer than finding new ones. Like the people on craigslist over pricing items, we tend to give our friends more importance than they really are really worth. I’ve had many friends who I no longer keep contact with. The reason is that, I have changed and too they have changed. It’s not that they are not good or that I’m not good. Its just we’re at different stages, we are at the end of the day on our own journeys that just happen to have crossed paths. Accepting that makes it easier to not only find friends but maintain them. This goes into knowing yourself as a person, sometimes keeping a friendship can more disservice, so the best thing is to do is let them go!
I guess, I see friends like photos. Memories of times past, some good others bad. Even though I may not be in every photo, they are all a reflection of “ME”, at a specific point in time. I can always pull out the mental box of photos and re-experience those moments, that have lead to the person who now stands before the mirror every morning!
My mental photo box: Some of these people I haven’t seen nor spoken in ages, others I still keep in touch with, but all have touched me and have personally help me in my Life’s Journey in some way.
To David James,
the first kid to friend me when I started PS 124, way back in 1980. We shared all the same class all the way up into Junior High, he treated me like a little brother, and never let me sit in the back of the classroom, helping to keep me out of trouble!
To Oscar Jones
Who like DJ, I spent my elementary school years together. Who would call from time to time. One day after hanging up, he showed up at my door five minutes later, just to hang out and chill. My moms had just suffered a stroke, and I was going through the emotions. Not once did he mention it, he just hung out and chatted, giving me a mental break! Thanks, I really needed it!
To
Elizabeth Rodriguez,
Who is my first official, unofficial little sister. One of the first people I shared that I was adopted with, and having her own person adoption story, was the only person for a long time I felt could have any idea of how I felt. She also screamed at me when she found out I was alone for the weekend and all I had to eat the entire weekend was eggs and cereal (this was before I learned how to get down in the kitchen). Told me if I never had issues in the kitchen to give her call!
So be sure to check out the linked story by @carolynedgar and tell me your thoughts on friendships!
Share a mental photo of one of your dearest friends.
I’ll end this post with quote used by my moms often…
“Don’t tell me who you are, tell me who your friends are , and I’ll tell you who you are!”
Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2010-2012 Matthew Ciscart
Matt,
I consider many friendships in temporal terms as well (i.e., most are more like snapshots than like movies). I also believe folks come into our lives at important and opportune times; we meet the folks we need to know when we need to know them. These folks remain relevant in our lives as long as we continue to need them. Ideally, the need is reciprocal and mutually beneficial. Further, I trust my sense about. when to end a friendship (or any other type of relationship) that has become unhealthy or counter-productive or distracting to my own growth and development as a person. That said… without friends (and associates, colleagues, the neighborhood kids and grocer saying “hi,” etc.) my life would be soulless. I would not be soulless, but my life would be. G
Yes, thanks for bringing up the “reciprocal” aspect, though I didn’t say it, I do feel that’s an important part of friendships and keeping them functional. By always paying it forward, you indirectly help yourself!
My friends.
I was not always a good friend. I learned that lesson the difficult way. I promised myself long ago that I would never take friends for granted. I do not use the word “friend” lightly. I am careful. I am blessed to have some of the same friends now ,that I did in grade school. Those friends that really know you, and still love you anyway. I am blessed to have met new friends. These new friends came into my life at a time when I was experiencing and craving some of life’s hardest lessons.
My Friends are my family,at this stage of my life. They feel the same about me.
I have 8 adopted brothers.. You adopted guys are hella great.