When it comes to changing Diapers it seems to me that we are not all created equal. This I guess isn’t spoken much, since honestly it seems that 98.8% of infant, toddler teachers and educators in the classroom are women.
For those unaware, I have my first job as an educator (“teacher” for some, though I feel that word is dated and not indicative of what really goes on, in a functional classroom). I am, one of two teachers in a classroom with eight toddlers. I am also happen to be a male, if you haven’t noticed yet. Which depending on who you ask is a good thing, but to others not so good! This becomes apparent when the question of diapering arises. ”Who will be changing MY DAUGHTER?”,(As the question is uttered all eyes turn to me!). Never have I felt so out of place and unwanted before.
It seems that while the sexual revolution has managed to change most work places, it has yet touch the wonderful world of early child care. Don’t say it has, just look at the local day care. One would think men can only work with children in education only when the child is able to read and write. If, Men have to change diapers then its the boys and not the girls we must change.
Why is that so? What is truly wrong with changing a “SOILED” child, whether it be boy or girl? Isn’t the objective to care for that child safety and well being? What is really the rationale for it? I have my own thoughts and ideas! For some it’s a cultural thing, that’s it’s a women’s job, not a man’s, and only IF no other options are available, then, can men change a girls diaper. There is also the sexual aspect of a guy changing a girls diaper, but can’t the same argument be posed for women changing boys. I can tell you stories of women who have open their child’s diaper,only to find little Johnny with an erection, and not know how to deal with it. Yes, our little boys get erections. Truth be told, children in diapers have no concept of sexual differences, these are adults concepts which they will eventually learn, from US! Are we already teaching them that while we may be separate we’re not equal? If so, can this be considered sexism, I’m just saying!
Do realize, for children it has nothing to do with sex, ask your child’s pediatrician, you’ll also be surprised to find out our little babies masturbate as well and that goes for both boys and girls. To them it soothing, just not the way we think of masturbation as adults.
So, Do you think there’s something wrong with a guy changing a diaper at home and or in a classroom environment? If so, why?
Would you be okay if your wonderful daughter walked around for an hour before someone changed her potty soiled diaper, all because the male teacher was the only one around and waited for a female, for fear of being seen as some sort of deviant?
After thought:
I was born in the 70′s and my first real male teacher outside of gym wasn’t until Jr high school, and my first male BLACK/LATINO happen until college. Would you say that’s part of the reason, there are so few men in early education, lack of role models! I for one NEVER really intended to work with the toddler age group, my plan was to work with second graders, yet I found myself with a wonderful opportunity to make a difference, but now I am subjected to thoughts and opinions based on tired old thoughts that go back to battle of the sexes!
So with that said please share your thoughts, and feeling on the matter! And don’t forget to pass this one along.
Small update:
This post was create to start a discussion, which a fellow twitter follower took to his site to express his thoughts. This is a small excerpt of his thoughts.
…going to talk as a parent in the first place and as an educator after. I have a daughter, 22 years now, and when she was little, I was the one who loved to change diapers…
…We need to trust our educators, as we trust our babysitter, or a neighbor or any relative looking after our kids.
So do be sure to check out his site here, and you can also follow him on twitter here, where is your and educator or a parent, I assure you, you’ll find a wealth of information from.
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This is a very good point! I don’t have a daughter but my brother in law refuses to change his daughter’s diapers. But you are right, there is no shame in it. I’ve changed plenty of diapers and just like you said boys get erections as babies. That’s when I knew to cover the diaper back up because he was going to pee! lol. In this day in age yes, it is hard to trust someone to change a diaper. But especially in NYS, people get background checked before working around children and sometimes you have to trust your gut feeling as a parent. You may be giving the man in the room the side eye but it could be one of the girls with those bad thoughts! Just saying!
Thanks, and yes, I had to get finger printed with a full background check. They wanted every address I’ve ever lived at on record.
Matthew,
This is a very touchy topic for many…and mostly because of the sexual connotations. It is a shame that the few pedophiles give a bad rap to the good guys. Because there are so few men in early childhood settings, it can also be that it just pushes it that far out of people’s comfort zones.
That said, it is really up to the agency to support you and back you. They have put their trust in you, have completed their background check and found you to be a suitable person to care for young children. And caring for young children includes the whole toileting/diapering thing. I think it is the agency’s job to help put parents at ease, and that it should not rest solely on your shoulders.
I see a conversation that might go like this, “Well, who will change my daughter’s diapers?” And the director/supervisor/co-worker would say, “Whomever happens to be the first available staff to care for her and make her comfortable. All of our staff are highly trained and capable of changing both boy and girl diapers.” In spite of that, there will be people whom have HUGE trust issues, and bear in mind that some of the parents that you will work with have come from homes where they themselves were abused sexually. For this reason, after all of the assurances are offered, I think it fair to honor parents wishes…and not to personalize it. It really is like a case of reverse discrimination, here, however.
Matthew, you are one of the few men in early childhood and that is something quite special! Having consulted to numerous early childhood programs (including Head Start and EHS)…I have to say that I hope you stay. We need more men in programs such as those. The presence of men makes a huge difference for the kids on many levels. I have worked in a center where a male teacher takes both boys and girls to the bathrooms.
In today’s age and society…I would say that the male staff have to be the ones that guard their own best interests when toileting young children…they are probably more at risk than any child they happen to be changing, for the very reasons you mentioned.
I hope this all works out for you, and I would love to hear how it eventually plays out.
Funny thing, though…predominantly, male doctors provide pediatric care and obstetric care. Go figure!
Thanks for stopping by Wendy. I do believe that the whole pedophile thought process plays into it heavily, but I do believe that the assumed role of what is a “women’s job” is just something people can’t get over. I’ve seen many men who are uncomfortable changing their own daughter’s diaper and just even their child, and will pretty much entrust any female that they know to do it for them. Being Latino, I can honestly say it is NOT part of our job description to change diapers.
We as responsible adults need to really understand that we are always teaching our children are also learning even at an early age. That being said if a child has NEVER really had daddy or some other important male figure in their life change a diaper, would one not think the child is indirectly learn about sexual roles in life?
To parents of young ones, we as adults come to learn that bathroom time for us is private time, but please be aware that for our children it is a time to bond. Just think right before a child starts to potty train, they are usually for the most part mobile. Meaning they’re getting into everything and can’t stay still long enough for you to do much. So changing that child’s diaper is a time where you have your attention without the chasing! Honestly what a perfect time to just talk to them and build a bond, no chasing to do it, since they are right there getting their diaper changed!
Once again Wendy, thanks for stopping by, sorry for the confusion with the name. Hope it won’t happen again going forward.
Mateo,
See…this post is so intriguing…it could actually turn into several posts…there certainly is enough ground to cover when considering all of the aspects.
I TOTALLY agree with you on all of the above. I love how you are willing to break barriers and do things that are outside of what gender-role stereotypes say you should do/be. Clearly, you are a well-grounded, centered, nurturing and self-assured man! You are so right in that it is important for youngsters to see that. I support you in your most IMPORTANT endeavor to be a teacher/carer for young children.
I will be curious to see how it all plays out and I am rooting for you!
In the meantime, it would be neat to see a group formed for “Men in Early Childhood Settings”…one that supports them in some of these very issues you are experiencing. Hey…let’s start a fb group for it!
Cheers…you are something special~
Wendy
Of course I would want you changing my little girlies soiled diaper and my son’s because you are a trained and qualified educator with whom I trust leaving my child with. I would be upset if you didn’t.
My 15 year old son and 13 year old daughter recently tag team babysat for one family in our area comprised of three little girlies – one in diapers. It was going to be a long day of sitting and both my teens have the babysitting course along with their first aid certificate. My daughter babysat for the first part of day and kept checking but no diapering was needed. I dropped off my son and picked up my daughter and when the little one awoke, he changed her – the older toddlers told him to because they said she always needs changing after her nap – and so be it. I was happy he did and so were the mama and the dad – of course!
Hats off to you for following this calling as there will be many more rewards than you can possibly imagine but there will also be challenges – I hope that in time, this challenge will fade…
…Ellyn….
I wish more parents would have your outlook when it comes to diapering, but your view from my experience is a small minority. This subject has like Wendy stated so many points of views that it can get really murky when discussing. Even when it came up in training/ and in school it becomes a VERY touchy subject. For the most part it’s easy to deal with a parent who just has honest fear, than those who have grown up with the notion men don’t do it. when it comes to diapering. How do I reach a mother who’s own husband has, maybe changed his child’s diaper less than a hand full of times. That mother has been taught that the man she shares her life with doesn’t do the diaper thing. What about the single mother who doesn’t have a man and has done it all by herself.
While I’m not looking for the perfect solution, since honestly there isn’t one. I can only hope to help start a discussion. As far as for me the question hasn’t come up since. I feel I have a very good understanding with my kids parents. I discuss any and all issues they may have and do what ever possible to help address any issue or concerns that they may feel. I also ensure that they are included in every little step. Since I am dealing with little ones, I let the parent know that no matter what, we deal with it as a team, and I am helping them the same way they are helping me!
When I first read this I thought of course I would let my uncle change my daughters diaper. I trust him 100%. I processed that thought I changed my mind because I would be very possessive of my daughter, and would want to change her at all times, if possible. Nothing against you or any other male it’s just what society has drilled into my head. That males doing a “mothers” job is just creepy. Maybe I have trust issues but when I see a man tinkling his daughter in the back of my head I view it as inappropriate. With that being said it could be because I didn’t grow up with a father like a majority of minority children do. Assuming you work with minorities being exposed to a male minority as a role model is something very much needed to break the creepy stigma, and trust issues children and parents face. I applaud you for being in the front line of a few great men in early childhood education.
“Possessive” I can deal with, I expect any and all parents to be possessive of their bundles of joy. I’d wonder and fear for a child who’s parent shows no concern. The thing is that we still have, “A mother’s job” and “A father’s job”! That is where we have problems, both mom and dad are Parents, and being so, at the end of the day it’s about Parenting! Parenting requires that we care for our children. So when there is no male role model for a child why should the “Male” be given the side eye, when he can help be the role model, even though in a limited capacity of the classroom, for 8am til 3pm Monday through Friday! Many of us have been inspired at some point in time by a teacher of sorts, who may have pushed us or just gave us words of encouragement.
Why do you think when I was old enough, I made sure I took you out to eat when ever possible, and it was never McDonald’s it was always somewhere that had an actual menu! Where we sat down and someone would come and wait on us. Why because I felt it important that you have that experience, and not have to wait until some major life event for you to celebrate at a restaurant.
That to me is what raising children is about giving them positive experiences, when ever its possible. If we don’t take advantage of those willing to help make those changes, all we end up doing is running around in circles, saying “that’s how its always has been!” And that is not an Excuse. If our children see men changing diaper they can’t say it’s a mothers job. It’s hard to break from traditions but look at why we have these traditions to begin with. Women were housewives, that is what was expected, nothing more! Yeah, they could be secretaries, nurses, and teachers, but the biggest role was to be a happy housewife. That is no longer the case, women can aspire to run for the U.S presidency. So times do change.
SIDE NOTE
This happens to be my niece, who I love dearly!
Having a toddler son makes this a little easier – clearly I dont care which direction I wipe (lol) its a big joke with my step sisters – since I’ve diaper/changed their baby girls – there is clearly a direction.
I actually change most diapers when I’m around unless I’m put on a task by the wife but if I’m home and kiddo goes #2 I’m changing it thats for damn sure!
I give my wifey alot of credit she’s a SAHM so she’s got 4/5 diapers more a day to change alone so I feel for her but I can see this being an issues in todays day in age with more male educators that some parents might not be ok with them changing their little girl. Sure this is a Mega double standard but still I can almost understand… (ALMOST!) but if I had a little girl going to school and not potty trained – I’m thinking someone else is dealing with this “shit” and not me and thats the bottom line!
Thanks for stopping by, and I wish more people had that outlook, cause I cool with not having to change diaper unless needed.
Big Up BRO! I’ve changed a few diapers in my time, and the only thing I was concerned with was getting my child clean. I never thought of this scenario, but as I mentioned to you prior, it’s about trusting our educators to do what we expect of them. AS for you, and everyone entrusted with children, your job is to exceed our expectations. I know that’s not the norm , but it is the rule. The fact that you were “hurt” that someone would question your ability to do your job as a molder of fertile human minds, goes to YOUR credit. I remember you were HYPED about it, lesson plans, career change, etc. Don’t let this rock rock you! Peace Teach’.
Thanks, I won’t say I was “HURT”, but it made me realize that it can be harder for men in general in Early Education. The funny thing is a parent just called me just to tell me her child use the potty for the first time! While some may give a second glance when they happen to see a man in the class, and question why, when they realize that this is not even my first career! I ask if not me then who?
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I’m a guy who works at a Head Start Program, and I change diapers all the time, whether the parents like it or not. I’ve been changing my younger cousins since I was 12, boys and girls. I never do it alone though, I used to be a boy scout, and I follow the policy of two adults present no matter what, just for everyone’s security. Same thing when the 4 year olds are using the “wide open” bathrooms, someone is always standing outside with me, and I never step in there unless I really have to, like once when a little boy slipped and bruised his elbow, apparently another little boy in there before him missed the toilet and the floor was wet, in those cases we have no choice. There are a lot of parents who aren’t thrilled about men doing this with their children, but because Head Start is government funded, they’re not allowed to discriminate in any way shape or form. The only thing the parents can do is send their child elsewhere, which is usually out of the cards for most parents in the neighborhood.
Guess what, even if I had a 2 year old daughter, and there was a guy working at her daycare, I don’t care who changes her, as long as it’s done right. As long as he’s doing it as it should be done, someone’s there with him, and he’s not doing anything inappropriate with her, then I’m cool.
@ABCD, while there’s always 3 people in my class, that doesn’t mean there will be two available adults when changing diapers. Things have come along way since the beginning of the school year with regards to changing of the diapers and parents being concerned. Most of my parents are 100% okay with my assisting their child with diapering needs. I guess some just needed time to get used to seeing a guy in a classroom and understanding that I was just as capable. I literally hugged a parent who came to pick up her lil girl, and had her give me the diaper to change her while she sat in the class chatting with the other teacher. And @ABCD sorry for taking so long to approve your comment, wp app on my phone has been acting a fool.